Welcome! Ü
Saturday, December 06, 2008
|9:22 PM|
I'm back from vb camp...
tell u wad...
I'M SO BLOODY PISSED OFF!
best friend???
fuck off la.
friends dun lie to one another....
it's only the 1st day of camp & i thought,
WAD AM I DOING HERE?
i really feel like going home..
but i cant..
my family sure ask a lot of qns...
so forget it..
i shall tolerate...
I'm more of sad.
cannot tell the truth mehs..
must lie abt it?
I CANNOT STOP CRYING FOR THE 1ST TIME!
DAMN IT!
i dun mean to go missing, but how can i face so many ppl when it's so obvious that i've been crying hard??
i thought staying a while, alone, i will feel beta
(which always works when im unhappy)
IT DOESNT WORK LORX!
tears just keep flowing..
wth.
I've been struggling to pull back my tears bak in the comp lab until i come out
cant stand it anymore & just went off after shutting down comp.
wad shld i do now?
i really dunno...
i was stuck in the toilet, punched the wall, squatting n crying...
come out, went up to the hall....
after a while, the feeling come agn...
i rushed to stand outside the hall, hoping to calm myself down...
i stayed dere for v long lorx
(i didnt feel that it was a long period of time)
den im considered 'missing'.
paiseh.
i dun mean to cause trouble n make everyone worry abt miie.
but i really cant take it.
i really have to take a breather alone.
i dun intend to tell anybody abt it.
but somehow everybody seems to know everything...
know why i'm crying...
issit that obvious?
lol.
talking abt everyone,
EVERYONE KNOWS THE 'LIE'!
EXCEPT MIIE!
this really drove miie insane..
the image of slapping him n grabbing his collar appeared in my head, but the consequences might not do miie good...
so wad for?
this i cant do, that i cant do.
den how?
let it rest?
my heart dun wan to lay it down...
i'm so mad!
CONFRONT HIM?
USE VIOLENCE?
CAUSE CHAOS?
MAKE IT BIG?
WHICH??????????
really lorx....
once i know the lie,
i was thinking...
thats why u avoid miie, sms miie lesser each day, smsing miie "Haha!" only..
DAMN IT!
to think i believed ur lie den to trust my instinct!
Writing opp sex's name in ur personal msg...
FOR FUN???!!!!
_l_
1 day i may be crooked.
LiHan's experience was somewhat similar to my case.
thanks for telling miie ur exp...
it made miie think more...
it made miie feel a little beta, although not much, but im still grateful...
luckily, i start to talk to grasshopper(only 3 of us know who are u...^^)
somehow i feel comfortable talking to her, other den god-mummy...
so i told her why i was crying...
i was like distracting her from watching the game.
(PAISEH!)
pouring out all the thoughts thats occupying my mind for 1 whole day.
the first night, i cant slp...
being cold ish 1 reason...
BUT NOT THE MAIN!
ISH COS OF YOU THAT I CANT SLP!
luckily 2nd night, im so tired so i can slp...
if not, i'll start slapping myself to slp.
WAD SHALL I DO WITH U NOW?!
[S]he [w]inks**
+ + +
November 2006
